"You never find yourself until you face the truth." Pearl Bailey

"Even when you do absolutely everything you are supposed to do, it doesn't mean you get the life you want." Tracy M

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

"I am my own woman." Evita Peron

Monday, October 31, 2011

I Like Being Alone?

I'm moving into new emotional territory for me. I like being alone. (GASP!)

It scares me a little. Many years ago... A (going to call the "ex" A instead. Seems nicer.) ... Anyway A left to go work in another state. S1 was 2 years old. I cried my eyes out! I didn't know how I would handle life without him. I was scared out of my mind. I felt so alone.

Fast forward 14 years... and after leaving an incredibly stressful marriage over a year ago, I kinda like being alone. Sure, It is much easier to juggle everything when I have someone to help share in the daily duties. At the end of the day though, I like crawling into my own bed, watching what I want on TV, blogging on my computer,and eating a spoonful of peanut butter with chocolate chips.

I know that must sound selfish to some people. For me, It is an accomplishment! I am happy all by my little self!! I don't need someone to fill in the gaps. I don't have to have someone in my life to feel complete. I am getting a "A" in Algebra people!!!!! I am shocked and amazed at myself!

I've already been criticized for being too independent, so anyone thinking along those lines can save it for someone else. I know in my heart that God has wanted me to feel whole and complete for a long time. I spent so much time in survival mode that I forgot how to live. So, For now I'm going to enjoy myself. I'm going to find out who I am as a person... apart from being a mother and a spouse. Even though I love those roles.... they don't define me as an individual daughter of God.

I'm finding out who I am and how I want to live. What makes me happy. What I need to change. And when I feel that it is the time that God wants me to let someone into my heart again, I will (hopefully) allow that to happen. For the time being, I'm going to enjoy feeling strong and finding happiness within myself. It is a nice change....
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6 comments:

  1. Andrea AndrusNovember 5, 2011 at 11:18 PM

    I LOVE watching you grow, enjoy life and especially love yourself. I'm so proud of you! NEVER apologize for being independent! I wish we lived closer!!!! Love ya Rosie! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. ReginaNovember 6, 2011 at 5:07 PM

    Thanks so much!!

    It's funny to me how independent women are sometimes viewed within the Church. I'm pretty emotionally independent right now and I'm working on the financial side of it. I was warned that I shouldn't get so independent that I might not ever "need" a man in my life again. That seemed like such a crappy thing to say to me. I might not "need" a man to be happy and financially independent, but that doesn't mean I won't want one in my life someday. Geez!

    Thanks for all your kind words and support sweetie!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Andrea AndrusNovember 6, 2011 at 11:11 PM

    I love how many women in the Church are independent. I'm making that part of my mormon.org profile.....if I ever get it finished.

    You don't need a man to be emotionally or financially independent! At some point, it's nice to share those things with someone who supports your thoughts and needs....but you aren't dependent on them for it. The more you love yourself, the easier it becomes to let someone into your circle of trust.....not the opposite. Tell the haters to bugger off. They've probably never walked in your shoes. Change scares people. Lame!

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  4. ReginaNovember 7, 2011 at 11:19 AM

    I should do a profile there too!

    Yes! Exactly! I don't want to be dependent on another person for my emotional, financial, spiritual, and physical well-being. I want to be a full person, not half. And then share that with another person, and be amazing together! :) I don't knock other women for being happy another way, but I wasn't happy. Now I know what I need to feel complete. Wahoo!!

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  5. JulesNovember 14, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    Regina, YES!!!! Keep going! You're probably doing what many others are afraid to do themselves and so they might want to reign you in again, so they don't have to make changes themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ReginaNovember 14, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    I promise I will "KEEP MOVING FORWARD!" (Love Meet the Robinson's!) Nobody is reigning this woman in! It was scary in the beginning, but I'm not afraid anymore. I love how I feel, and the direction I'm going.

    Stronger everyday!

    Thanks again! :)

    ReplyDelete

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