I'm on the cusp of a new era. I've been separated a little under a year (ouch). I'm about to turn the big 4-0 (gulp). I'm heading back to school to do something I love (yay me!). And every single bit of this scares the hell out of me.
This was not the life I had imagined for myself. Who really gets that life though!? I made lots of good decisions, and lots of bad decisions. My best decisions were choosing to be baptized LDS at age 16, moving far away from home at 17,making some fabulous friends I love dearly, serving a mission in Argentina, and my 5 amazing and beautiful daughters, and one heavenly son. My bad decisions.... hhmmm.... serving my mission (that one is complicated), rushing into marriage(ditto), not getting my degree(duh!).
About 10 months ago my girls and I moved in with my parents in the midwest. My parents are in their early 70's. Being so close to them has been a real blessing for me. I'm so glad that they have been able to get to know my children. I was worried my girls wouldn't get to know my parents like I wanted them too.The girls and I clean their house, mow their lawn, and help out anyway that we can.... and my parents love me and the girls to death. They help bus my kids around, are often last minute baby-sitters, and do all kinds of little things that make my life easier. It's a win-win.
I know you're wondering what is up with the marriage.... things are hard. Lots of mistakes on both parts. I know this sounds cliche, but I really did lose myself. I wasn't me anymore. I was miserable and depressed, and I think he was too. We had made plans to move in with my parents before the separation, and I hadn't planned on getting a divorce from the get-go. Even though it seems that way from the outside. He planned to come out last Fall, but unforeseen circumstances arose, and he took a job in another state. So, We are muddling through the murky waters of separation and divorce. I've prayed a lot, got a few Priesthood Blessings, got a therapist, and lean on my close friends for support. This starting over stuff is scary....
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